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  1. #1
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    Riddles and Jokes

    I got a meeting this afternoon and thought I would see if any of you have some good jokes that could be used as to open things up. I know chadm did this once, so I am curious on how well that went as well.

    Plus I thought this could be fun!


    "You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace." -- Ernie Banks



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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by guitarchitect7 View Post
    I got a meeting this afternoon and thought I would see if any of you have some good jokes that could be used as to open things up. I know chadm did this once, so I am curious on how well that went as well.

    Plus I thought this could be fun!
    Q: What's the hardest thing about learning to rollerblade?
    A: Telling your dad you are gay.

    That will get you fired.



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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    Q: What is an invisible man's favorite drink?
    A: Evaporated milk.

    My 7 yr old told me that one last night



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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    I found this at a site called boreme.com, I 've attempted to clean up the language...

    Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and seminars?
    What about those long and boring conference calls?
    Here's a way to change all of that:

    1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5" x 5" is a good size. Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.

    2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

    basically
    core competencies
    best practice
    bottom line
    revisit

    obviously
    to tell you the truth (or "the truth is")
    24/7
    out of the loop
    benchmark

    value-added
    proactive
    win-win
    think outside the box
    essentially

    "hit the nail on the head",
    "having said that"
    "ya know what I'm say'n"
    at the end of the day
    touch base

    he goes/she goes
    client focus(ed)
    paradigm
    "I'm like"
    leverage

    3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

    4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULL****!"


    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Testimonials from satisfied "Bull**** Bingo" players:
    "I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." - Adam W, Atlanta

    "My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." - David T, Orlando

    "What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win." - Dan J, New York City

    "The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box." - Ben G, Denver

    "The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULL****!' for
    the third time in two hours." - Richard C, Chicago



    "Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”." ~Robin Williams

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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.

    First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
    'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

    "Can you read this?" the optician asked.

    "Read it? " the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."


    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,

    "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."

    " Thank God, " said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."


    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

    Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

    "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
    You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT! "

    The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

    The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."


    Chuck Lidell: I paint my toenails with pink and black polish. Problem is, I get more paint on my toes and on the carpet than on my nails. Any advice?
    Maria Sharapova: Don't you beat up other guys for a living? I don't know how to answer this.



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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    What do you do to an elephant with three balls?

    Walk him and pitch to the rhino.



    What ever happened to truth, justice and the American Way?

  7. #7
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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by joepublic View Post
    Q: What's the hardest thing about learning to rollerblade?
    A: Telling your dad you are gay.

    That will get you fired.
    Sadly enough, they might like it. Its just the way they are.

    Edit: its laid back is what I meant, not that anyone is homophobic or anything.


    "You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace." -- Ernie Banks



  8. #8
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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by jdoggivjc View Post
    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

    Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

    "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
    You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT! "

    The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

    The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
    Hahaha now that was great



  9. #9
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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    Still my favorite...

    Q. What do Hawkeye & Cyclone fans have in common?

    A. Neither have attended the University of Iowa



  10. #10
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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by SuperCy View Post
    What do you do to an elephant with three balls?

    Walk him and pitch to the rhino.
    I have no idea why, but this one is killing me!!!



  11. #11
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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    Two cows standing in a pasture, one says "hey, did you hear the herd down at farmer Johnsons place came down with mad cow disease?"

    other replies, "yeah, don't worry ... it doesn't affect us chickenz"


    Last edited by clones_jer; 07-17-2007 at 02:50 PM.

  12. #12
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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    pretty good guys. I expected more replies, must all be playing the new game.


    "You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace." -- Ernie Banks



  13. #13
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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by guitarchitect7 View Post
    I got a meeting this afternoon and thought I would see if any of you have some good jokes that could be used as to open things up. I know chadm did this once, so I am curious on how well that went as well.

    Plus I thought this could be fun!
    Went as well then as now.


    I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

  14. #14
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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    Why did tigger have his head stuck in the toilet?

    He was looking for Pooh.



  15. #15
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    Re: Riddles and Jokes

    You know why Giraffe's have long necks?

    Because their feet stink.



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