"Bill Braskie was a son of a b*tch!"
"He once breast-fed an injured flamingo back to health!"
"He had a four-day heart attack, one for each chamber!"
"After the autopsy, they said his heart looked like a basketball filled with riccota cheese!"
"They found $60 worth of change in his stomach!"
"He taught me how to love a woman, and how to scold a child!"
"He LOVED extension chords!"
"He HATED Mexicans!"
"He was half-Mexican!"
"And he HATED irony!"
"He grew a third arm and kept it in a vault!"
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